Merry Christmas (7 year Anniversary Post)

From Here and created by Dog Butt Juice.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a butt hole was stirring, except mine, cause I farted
The paper was hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that St. Fecal-ass soon would wipe there

The children were squatting all snug on their pots,
While traces of dingle-berries danced in their farts;
mamma was in her undies, and I dropped my flap
and had just settled down for a long winter’s crap,

When out on the lawn, someones butt made a clatter,
I sprang from the pot to see who made the splatter.
Away to the window I flew like a winner,
Tore open the shutters and threw up my dinner.

The sky farted moonlight on new-fallen snow
Gave the stink of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering nostrils should sense,
But a caca-stained sleigh, and eight reindeer’s mess,

With a smelly old driver there taking a dump,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Rump.
More rapid than eagles his trousers they fell,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by smell;

“Now, STREAKER! now, STACKER! now, LOAFY and POOPOO!
On, FLUSHY! on CRAPPY! on, SLOPPY and DOODOO!
On the top of the porch! all over the wall!
Now pinch away! wipe away! flush away all!”

As a nugget which with the wild flatulence fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, fart to the sky,
So up to the house-top the stainers they flew,
With his pants full of stink, and St. Fecal-ass’ poo.

And then there was tinkling I heard on the roof
The squeezing and squirting of each little poof.
As he squeezed himself through it, our chimney stained brown,
Down my pantleg a loaf-o-log fell to the ground

He was skinky and brown from his bum to his shoe,
And his clothes were all tarnished with tinkle and poo
An aroma of poopie encompassed his stance,
As he loosened his belt, he lowered his pants

His ass — oh how stinky! his pantlegs how brown!
His cheeks were all sore from his night on the town
But somehow he knew what for christmas we wanted,
His teeth became clenched as he shook and he grunted

The stump of a turtlehead tight in his cheeks,
And the brown cloud encircled his ass like a wreath;
a big dinner two nights ago clearly was destined
to drop to the floor from his lower intestine

It was chubby and plump, a right smelly old loaf,
And I winced when I stunk it, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye from his overturned head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but his ass did the talking
as he lifted his tooshie and filled all the stockings
And raising his pants, I covered my nose,
with a squeeze of his cheeks, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh and then off they did dart,
And away they all flew like the cloud of a fart
But I heard him exclaim, as he shrank to an inch
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD PINCH!”

Quick and Dirty ICS (Internet Connection Sharing) for ONLY 2 Machines

Here’s a quick and dirty way to share the Internet with 2 computers. This comes in handy where you don’t have the ability to install a second Ethernet card or have a router to carry around with you. You could also use Direct Cable Connection + ICS with a parallel or serial cable, but that’s 1) really slow and 2) extremely distance limited. USB 1.1 is limited to 12Mbps (USB 2.0 is 480Mbps) and Ethernet can go all the way to 100 meters. That’s perfect in my book for a quick and easy setup:

1. Buy a cheap USB-Ethernet adapter.
2. Buy (1) Cat5 crossover cable.
3. Plug in the USB side of the USB-Ethernet adapter into the computer with the working Internet connection. I’ll call this Machine 1. You should now have (2) Local Area Connections in the “Control Panel” under the “Network Connections” icon.
4. Connect the crossover cable to the RJ45 side of the USB-Ethernet adapter.
5. Connect the other end of the crossover cable to the computer you want to get on the net. I’ll call this machine 2.
6. Turn on DHCP on machine 2. This is normally default.
7. On machine 1, right click “Local Area Connection” (this is in your “Control Panel”) and select “Properties”.
8. Click “Advanced” and check the box labeled “Allow other network users to connect through this computer’s Internet connection”.
9. Click “OK”
10. You’re done.

Winamp 5.3 and Plays for Sure

Nullsoft released a new version of Winamp that supports seemless intergration with Plays for Sure devices and MP3 players. See my previous post here.

Here is the changelog:

Winamp 5.3:

* New: Unicode filename and title support
* New: M3U8 (Unicode) playlist support
* New: optional 24bit playback for many codecs (turn it on in Preferences->Playback)
* New: Replaygain support for MP3, AAC, Vorbis, M4A and WMA
* New: added ml views & playlists to Play-> submenu of right click popup menu
* New: added interface/x-winamp3-skin mimetype for WAL skins
* New: [ml_dash] Personalized content portal
* New: [ml_disc] optional replaygain scanning after rip (turn it on in cd ripping prefs)
* New: [ml_pmp] Transcoding. Converts incompatible files on-the-fly for your portable device.
* New: [ml_pmp] Playback now works for playsForSure and Creative NJB devices
* New: [ml_pmp] “Copy to Library” – transfer songs from any device to your local library (uses CD rip settings)
* New: [ml_pmp] Video sync support for portables
* New: [ml_rg] replaygain scanner (access via Send To menu)
* New: [pmp_ipod] gapless playback support on newer models
Continue reading

Plays for Sure, Winamp 5.25, and My Dell DJ

Winamp released a beta version of Winamp 5.25 that supports full and seamless integration with Play for Sure devices and some older Creative MP3 players. The general support for Plays for Sure has been integrated into Winamp since late February of this year, but is has been SEVERELY lacking.

Now you can copy music from your MP3 player and play music right off it through Winamp. Playlist manipulation is seamless from both your local playlist to and from your MP3 player. Feel free to edit your tags and meta data on any of your music files too. It’s such a huge welcome considering how unstable Red Chair Software’s Deubox is for my Dell DJ 30G. It breathes new life into Dell’s prematurely discontinued Dell DJ product line. It’s nice to see non-ipod users getting some love also.

Wake on Lan Setup Dell XPS/ D-Link DI-604

I finally got Wake on Lan for my D-Link DI-604 router and Dell XPS (original) working. This is my setup:

1. Get the latest firmware from dlink. As of this writing, it’s 3.52 for my rev E router.

2. Login to your 604 and create a new Firewall rule under “Advanced” -> “Firewall”:
DI-604

3. Enable “Allow the computer to turn off this device to save power”, “Allow this device to bring the computer out of standby”, and “Only allow managment stations to bring the computer out of standby” under the “Power Managment” tab under the device manager for your LAN adapter. In my setup I have a Intel PRO/100 VE LAN adapter and I also have to enable “Enable PME”, “Wake On Link Settings” and set “Wake On Settings” to “Wake on Magic Packet” all under the “Advanced” tab. Make certain you have the latest LAN adapter drivers too.

4. Go here to wake up your computer:
Magic Key

These direction assume you know how to access your router locally and you know it’s username and password. I’m also assuming you know the router’s IP assignment. It’s also good to have DDNS (Dynamic DNS) working on your D-link DI-604 if you really intend to use WOL effectively. If your computer is off/hibernating/suspended, then it can’t keep the DNS updated.

Also, I don’t know if it’s my PC or not, but if I use WOL and RDC (Remote Desktop Connection) on my XPS the Power Savings mode timers get wiped out and the machine will NEVER go into standby or hibernate. You will also notice that while under an RDC connection there is NO option for hibernate or standby. There are two options:

psshutdown.exe (psshutdown.exe -d -t 00 for Standby and psshutdown.exe -h -t 00 for hibernate)

and

using this command: “rundll32.exe PowrProf.dll, SetSuspendState”

The utility is free as of this writing. It offers a bunch of options. The rundll32.exe command can be used without quotes from the run dialog from your start button, command line, or a shortcut. The command will only hibernate OR go into standby depending on if hibernation is enabled in your power settings.

These are my only drawbacks:

1. Power Settings go boom (explained above) and I have to manually force, via workaround, my machine into an S3 (standby) or S4 (hibernate) state

2. I can’t wake my machine on an S5 State (total shutdown). I think this is because I have limited options in my BIOS.

3. If I pull/lose power on an S4 state (hibernate). My machine will NOT wake.

The bottom line is I can save some money on my electric bill by turning my computer on and off remotely.

D-Link DI-604 Firmware rev. E

Here are the firmware files and release notes for dlink di-604 rev E:

di604_revE_firmware_353.bin
* Updated DDNS screen and request.
* Updated PPPoE WAN settings.
* Applied minor Grammar corrections

di604_revE_firmware_352.bin
* Fixed DoS issue.
* Improved DDNS Update Agent.
* Improved NTP functionality.
* Added countdown to firmware upgrade process.

di604_revE_firmware_351.bin
* Resolved UPnP issue
* Resolved Zone Alarm issues
* Updated help files with Zone Alarm information

di604_revE_firmware_339.bin
* Add WAN speed selection option – defaults to 10Mbps
* Fixed dial on demand/idle time issue
* Fixed Asheron Call II reboot issue
* Fixed Static DHCP/MAC filter clone issue
* Fixed Virtual Server entry issue

di604_revE_firmware_336.bin
* Fixed minor GUI issues

di604_revE_firmware_320cm.bin
* Locks the WAN port speed to 10 Mbps
* Same firmware as 3.20. Use only if you are having connectivity issues with your modem.

di604_revE_firmware_320.bin
di604_revE_firmware_218.bin

VDI-604 firmware for Verizon Fios can be found here.

Rev. A, B, C for the DI-604 can be found here:

di604_revABC_firmware_220.bin
di604_revABC_firmware_218.bin
di604_revABC_firmware_210.bin

The files above were hosted from the old Canadian site. I have removed those broken links and created local links. I recommend going to support.dlink.com for the latest drivers.

I accidentally installed the VDI-604 firmware on my DI-604. When I tried to installed the latest and greatest firmware, 3.52, I kept getting an error message that the file was not compatible. The solution is to crash your router. When you crash your router it boots into a firmware upgrade mode. This allowed me to install 3.52.

Hold down the rest button for 10-20 seconds until the router lights go out. Quickly pull out and put back in the power cord. When you login the router will display a small dialog box to browse for your firmware. It may take a few tries and I have not tested this on any other routers other than a few Dlink 604s. Let me know if it works on other models.

*Update: Directions to crash the router can be found here.

*Update: I removed the dead links and added the newest firmware, 3.53. Dlink support in the US and Canada no longer host the older versions of the firmwares. They also do not host ANY rev A, B, or C firmwares. Thanks to FastEddie and ErikaD from DSLReports for snagging the files before they went extinct.